February 2019

IS IT OVER?

Author: Jenn Azu We were all finally assembled by his bedside at the hospital. It was much work to get the entire family members Papi requested at his sickbed but through teamwork and some sacrifice on the part of a few of us, it was achieved. By this time, Papi looked very weak and in much pain. We had been told he could pass on anytime. Papi gently raised his right hand and held my youngest sister’s hand, Lola, as he spoke softly. She was his next favorite after his oldest girl, Adebisi. As Papi spoke to Lola, I could only pick up a few of his words mostly because I was suddenly feeling sick. A heaviness settled on me that I could not shake. Almost at the same time, I started feeling pressure at the back of my head and tightness in my chest. Yet, none of those feelings afflicted me like the thoughts in my head. Papi is our father who suddenly took ill a few months ago. Many resources have been poured into his health with the hope that he will recover but to no avail. Now, we are left with preparing ourselves for his death and everyone appear to be taking it well except me. Dad took turn with each one of us kids giving his blessings and advice. He started with Jide, our oldest brother and although, he went in order of our age as he addressed us, he spoke to me, his second oldest child, last. “Dan, take care of yourself and be strong for your mother. Always remember that I am leaving here to go stay with Christ until I can see you all again…” Dad took a break to gather his strength before continuing. “My son, if you decide to give Christ a chance in your life, be rest assured I will see you again or else goodbye.” He concluded with a weak smile before turning his attention away from me. At this, I felt weak as the pain in me worsened. I had had dad preach to me a million times but I couldn’t understand why his last words hit me so hard. “Goodbye?” I thought “Why would he say that to me?” A part of me wanted to brush my thoughts aside but I struggled greatly. “Common Dan! This is a dying man saying farewell. How else is he supposed to say it?” “Yeah, but he said goodnight to everyone else.” I continued to argue with myself. I noticed the kindness in his eyes and the gentleness on his face which radiated pure love when he spoke to Jide. “Good night Jide.” Papi had said to him. Jide rubbed dad’s arm almost tearful. They stared at each other lovingly and would have hugged but for the various tubbings connected to dad to sustain him. He showed similar tenderness towards everyone else too. I couldn’t take it anymore. I moved closer to his bedside and snatched his hand away from Lola’s grip before falling to my knees. Surprisingly, no one attempted to stop me. “Why would you say ‘Goodnight’ to everyone but say goodbye to me?” Why daddy? Tell me, Why?” I wept aloud. My heart aching from sorrow. Papi started to weep as well. “I shall see them again! I shall see the righteous again! But sin can never enter there! Sin can never never enter there” He said, with a loudness that somewhat shocked me. How is his frail voice suddenly gaining strength? But then, he started to cough and my mom pushed me aside to attend to him. Almost immediately, his nurse entered and tried to stabilize him while we looked on helplessly. I stood there watching fearfully, momentarily forgetting my pain but feeling overcome with guilt. The nurse managed to get him to stop coughing and advised that no one bother him any further till he can get some sleep. Like the banging of our church bell, the pain in my head returned, this time worse. I could not bring myself to talk to anybody about my pain. I felt it could be part of my punishment for being a source of grieve.  I turned around, pushed my way through the small mournful crowd and hurried out of the room and to the main entrance.               * * * *   * * * * A few years ago, I got tired of my family’s religious ways and wanted out. We are a family of six and devout Baptist Christians. My father was an elder at our church who perfectly fits the biblical qualification of one; a faithful husband, well behaved gentleman who has a well behaved family etcetera. At first, I was a good kid, in the Christian’s definition of “a good kid,” but my life was a routine that revolved around school, home and church. My discontentment started when I was about 10 years old. At that time, I was just becoming self conscious and remember struggling with not fitting in at school and being bullied. Actually, I didn’t make much friends because my siblings and I were cautioned at home not to mingle with unbelievers. “They are bad influences.” My parents would say. The problem however was, it was hard to tell who was or wasn’t an unbeliever and the concept “believer” to me just meant people who lived life like my family did, so I didn’t talk to many people. You could palpate my joy when I found out one day that my classmate, Sam, is from a “believer” home. You guessed right! I made him my friend but not for long. My mother dropped in at school the following week to say hi and I took the opportunity to introduce Sam to her. If it was to show off how well I was doing socially, I still can’t tell but she started questioning the boy almost immediately. “Hello Sam, how are you?” Mom started “Doing very well ma’am.” He replied courteously. “Where does

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AMNESIA

On the 8th floor of St Luke’s hospital, a group of students and an adult are seen making their way down a wide hallway that is lined by patient rooms on one side and nursing stations, storage and rest rooms on the other side. John, the adult among the group, turned around, and smiled at the students walking behind him before continuing down the hallway. The students followed him. He had just finished showing them the residents’ lounge. Suddenly, Dr. Einstein appeared from around the corner of an intersecting hallway and approached the group. When he got closer, John stopped to exchange pleasantries. “Good morning Dr. Einstein” He greeted “A Pleasant morning to you John.” Dr. Einstein hailed back. “Are you done with the assignment?” “What assignment?” John asked “That’s okay. I will ask Meg.” Dr Einstein waved as he walked past the group. John swirled around and smiled again at the group behind him. Some smiled back. He continued further down the hallway and turned his head slightly to spy over his shoulders. He noticed the students still behind him and frowned. He walked a few steps further, this time a little faster. “I can’t take this anymore.” He whispered to himself “Why are you following me?” He turned and asked the group. There were puzzled looks in the small group. “Uhmm, because you’re our tour guide?” A beautiful tall lady replied from among them “Am I?” John asked looking surprised “Well, no one asked me but I can help show you around. I know every bit of this hospital.” “I bet you do.” One little guy smirked. John had stepped into work that day having his usual confidence that he will do well and finish his task before the medical team start their rounds. He is a housekeeper, which means he makes sure the unit floor ran smoothly everyday. Part of his job includes coordinating the cleaners and re-supplying the floor with cleaning supplies. He has done this job long enough that he is familiar with all the teams in the oncology unit. It is hard sometimes to distinguish what John exactly does on the hospital floors because he is asked to do other odd jobs that were not originally in his job description and he doesn’t mind as long as they keep him busy. Unfortunately, he is also well known for something else. “Here, move closer all of you.” He beckoned on the students. “Has anyone showed you around the infusion center yet?” “No.” They chorused “We are hoping you would show us the interesting places around here.” Another girl added. “Sure, I’d be glad to. This hospital was established in 1932 by two brothers, the Baileys. Both of their parents and sister had passed away from colon cancer. Those losses were their major inspiration to study medicine and find answers to…wait, who do you all say you are again?” He interrupted his story to ask. There was an awkward silence for a second. Some were puzzled while a few of the students started to giggle. They thought it was funny. Ed, the oldest looking boy in the group, stepped forward and calmly explained. “Mr. John, we are students from Lincoln High, and we’re here on tour of this hospital. You were asked to show us around the oncology unit because our original tour guide could not come in today.” If Ed had not figured out what was happening, he’d also think John was being stupid, rude or simply funny, but John seemed to have a medical condition similar to that of his grandpa. Ed’s grandpa suffer from memory issues and it started after he had an accident with a significant blow to his head also known as head trauma. Ed had helped with taking care of grandpa Dou during the past summer holidays, so he quickly recognized the symptoms. “Ed!” Grandpa Dou had called out one day from his rocking chair while drawing from his pipe and puffing out a thick fume into the air in his face.”Get me my chop.” Ed was home alone with grandpa Dou but was not near to hear him call. Instead the neighborhood delivery boy, who happened to be dropping off their wood supply at that moment, answered. Everyone knows grandpa’s chop meant his herbal chewing stick. The young local also figured this out quickly and fetched him a single stick from the backyard kitchen. Dou collected the stick, dropped it on a stool next to his chair and retrieved some cash from his wallet for the boy. As the young lad readied to leave, grandpa called again for his chop, the boy retrieved another stick and got paid. He was being paid for the third stick when Ed walked in. “Pop, what are you paying Rico for?” “He bought me my chop.” Dou replied “No grandpa, we have your chop in the kitchen.” Ed was still speaking when the boy took off as fast as he could. That was one of many occasions when grandpa Dou has been taken advantage of for his poor memory. Grandpa Dou was 62 years old when his symptoms started and 12 years later it hasn’t gotten any better. Curiosity lead Ed into researching his grandpa’s memory loss and found that his symptoms closely match the kind called anterograde amnesia, where he has difficulty forming new memories. However, knowing that grandpa Dou’s condition was most likely caused by his accident he has no fear of genetic transmission. Today, after encountering John his tour guide, he wondered what the story behind John’s memory loss could be. Okay, the above story is purely fiction. The goal is to educate via storytelling. I am pro-storytelling so if I could be a teacher, the curriculum will probably support this approach. I mean if it’d help knowledge stick faster then why not. Please, Let me know what you think.

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Friends, really?

Author: Jenn Azu A note to self and to whom it may concern.Maneuvering relationships remains one of the most complex things I have encountered in my life. This is mainly because relating with others involves human emotion and oh, boy! what a roller coaster that can be. Whether a relationship is with a sibling, parents, a spouse or friend(s), it has to be consciously built else it will fetch a person nothing or worse still, deteriorate. I learned, however,  from a dear friend that it takes more than one person in a relationship to build a solid relationship. This knowledge would have saved me many heartaches had I known it earlier. It brings me to the analysis of the concept of friend-relationship, at least the way I understand it. One sunny afternoon while at lunch with a colleague, she enquired about my friendship with someone we both knew. “Actually, we’re not friends,” I replied, to her amazement. “We’re acquaintances, not friends.” I tried to explain to her that friendship depends on how you define it. Although the word “friend” is used frequently, sometimes we actually mean acquaintance when we say friend. To me, a friend is someone you have chosen to build a relationship with and you both are aware of the budding relationship and are mutually investing into it. The desire to build a relationship does not only have to be between a couple. A platonic relationship can and should be nurtured. Before I go on, let me differentiate an acquaintance from a friend. The dictionary definition of an acquaintance is “a person known to one, but usually not a close friend.” An acquaintance can have something in common with a person such as age, school, work or nothing at all. Acquaintances could do you favors you might or might not return. They easily walk in and out of your path in life, and you will find it easy to cut loose from them as well. For example, saying goodbye to your work colleagues when leaving a job. Therefore, an acquaintance should not be confused with a friend. Understanding this difference will save you many emotional troubles. By my definition of friendship, there is always something that serves as the bond to keep friends together. It could be a habit or an activity, but it is always something that is most delightful when done with your friend. For instance, your friend could be your partner in gossip, a fellow book lover, an accountability partner or someone you share your thoughts, ideas or intentions with and trust them to care for what you have entrusted to them. If your relationship is doing well, you tend to confide in your friend a little more than you would in a stranger, so your friend can sometimes boast of knowing you better than anyone else. However, if you do not understand this concept, it is easy to assume just anyone who sticks around long enough to be a friend.The danger is, when you assume, you don’t set boundaries to how you relate to the people around you otherwise known as acquaintances, and when you do not set boundaries you tend to reveal information about yourself that can possibly hurt you when misused. Why choose your friend? If you come from certain families where parents are well invested in the entirety of your upbringing including the quality of your character and relationships, you must have heard counsels like “choose your friends wisely.” Those words may sound cliche’ but are unfortunately ever relevant because a friend can influence your life in much larger ways than you think. Your friendship is powerful enough to direct the path your life takes – yes, the relationship is that powerful. You could get a job, marry a person or pursue a career through the influence of a friend. Personally, I had this experience back in high school days where I got a whooping 98% in math one term (semester) because my friend suddenly became hype about studying math. Unfortunately, a friend-relationship has the power of a bad influence like it has of a positive one. A friendly influence can also be the beginning of a destructive addiction, character weakness or poor decision. Proverbs 13:20 puts it this way “He that walks with wise men shall be wise” and you can guess what he will likely become if his companions are unwise. Therefore, It is very important to possess the maturity to evaluate your relationship(s). Sometimes, it is difficult to admit or even realize that one is in an unprofitable relationship especially if you value or strongly desire acceptance, but it will never hurt to appraise your relationship at times and answer certain questions. Is your relationship building you or not? Or at least not hurting you? The quality of a friendship, notwithstanding, is the quality of the people involved in it. Your individual priorities, values, character, knowledge and maturity level carry over into your relationship, and although your relationship could evolve overtime if it lasts long enough, you will greatly influence each other, it would be wise therefore to be intentional about it. Friendship is a great thing to have in our journey through life. If man was made to tread the earth in loneliness, we will not arrive in company of the unit called family. I am simply pointing out the powerful influence friends can have on our lives and therefore the need to be deliberate about that aspect of life. “A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother” Proverbs 18: 24

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