IF I DO
Written by Jennifer Azubuike I recall the moment Mark proposed. We were shopping for shoes and had turned into a quiet corner so I could sit and try on some sandals when he went down on one knee. I thought he did so to help me buckle the sandal, but he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. Inside contained a gold ring with an oval cut diamond. He took it out, held it in one hand then looked up at me. All this time I watched him and managed to stay calm but my heart was pounding resoundingly in my chest as I realized what was happening. “What should I say?” I thought. “Should I just say yes? Oh, God! I don’t know if I have thought this through. Maybe I should feign nausea and run to the bathroom to gain time to think.” My thoughts raced and I broke out into a sweat. Thankfully, he had the decency of not proposing under the watchful eyes of strangers. Yet, I felt a large amount of pressure. My throat closed up and my tongue felt paralyzed in my mouth. “If you’re so fearful, why are you in a relationship with him? Were you never expecting him to propose or was your relationship not that serious?” You may ask. Our relationship was serious and yes, I had a hunch he’d propose. The truth is that beyond the fact that a yes to Mark was a big decision with a lifetime consequence, there was more…let me tell it in a story. * * * Three years earlier, a bubbly Naya and my bright-eyed self reported to our pastor’s office for an appointment on a beautiful morning. While we waited for our turn, we bantered and giggled softly. It was an exciting time for my sister because she was looking forward to being hitched to the love of her life. While sitting there, however, Naya showed an undercurrent of nervousness. She would occasionally pick her nails or wriggle her fingers. “Ms. Obi, the pastor is ready to see you.” The secretary called. “OK. Thank you.” Naya replied to the secretary then turned to me. “Kay, Please wait here for me.” “Where would I go if you have the car keys? Good luck.” I smiled at her. I watched my sister walk into the office and fiddled with my nails. Somehow, I contracted her nervousness unwillingly. As I reflect now, I wonder if I was nervous for Naya or myself. “The wedding could be canceled even on its scheduled day if they fail to meet all requirements specified by the church,” I remembered an elder telling my mother several months before. After eavesdropping on that conversation, I subtly picked up a conversation with my sister to gauge her readiness for the strict rules she could face. “Of course, I will follow all the rules within reason.” Naya shrugged “What if they insist you cannot have a bridal train?” I asked again. “I don’t mind that at all.” “What if you cannot kiss your groom during the ceremony.” “That is fine. I want our first kiss to be intimate anyway.” “What if you cannot exchange rings for your vows.” “That is not possible. Ring exchange is a significant part of making vows.” “I know, but what if?” “Like I said, I will follow all rules as long as they are within reason,” I noted that my sister was somewhat oblivious to the strictness surrounding weddings here and I don’t blame her. I and Naya traveled to the U.K at the tender age of 7 and 11 respectively, and spent most of our teenage and young adult years there. Two years ago, Naya, finished her schooling and started working to support me until I finished too. We knew it was time to return to our home country after Sunny formally proposed to her. Since we returned, there have been varying degrees of culture shock. Regardless, we have tried to adjust since it is our original home, culture, people, and community. Today, I am nervous because I know that whatever be the outcome of today’s meeting will set the tone for my wedding in the future since I cannot feign ignorance to any degree. But I convinced myself that I shouldn’t be worried since that future is still far off. I was not in any serious relationship yet. Nonetheless, this church has been my family’s church for several generations and it is where I would be expected to tie the knot whenever that time comes. Approaching footsteps interrupted my reverie. “You’re done already?” “Let’s leave.” “You don’t look happy. What happened?” “Let’s just go,” Naya said in a near-breaking voice. “Please tell me what happened?” “We will talk in the car,” Naya said as she turned to walk away. Seated in the car, my sister wanted to start the engine and drive. “Hold up! You are making me anxious. What the heck happened?” “I got into the office and was expecting to get a date confirmed since we had already submitted several dates for the church to choose from. Instead, the pastor asked me a series of questions, and at the end concluded that I and Sunny are not ready to set a date yet.” “Why would he say that?” I asked, surprised. “Well, according to him we have not fulfilled the major requirements.” Naya tried to mimic the pastor. “We can start working on them. Did
